his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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