I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize