I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
