And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
