we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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