sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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