just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
