Yo dont text me then not text me
Your dad touched me again.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
