Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
