and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
