Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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