im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
