shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
