I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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