my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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