Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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