Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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