Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
