I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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