His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
