He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
ttyl tear gas
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
