you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
