I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
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