He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
