i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
