Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
