You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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