Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
