Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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