I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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