You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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