It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I FOUND THE LEGS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
