I feel great
I just peed on a car
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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