I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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