what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize