I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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