Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize