I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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