When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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