You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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