I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
