If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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