doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
