Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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