is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
