so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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