Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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