I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
