what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
