Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think i got beer on your cat.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
