I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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