She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
