He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
