So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
