hell yes lets make some ravioli
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
