No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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