Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
birth control should be required to get into college
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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