I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
