you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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