there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
