my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I want her autograph on my taint
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
