The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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