they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
