Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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