So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
