You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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