Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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