Already got asked if we're dating
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
