life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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