ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
