some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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