The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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