I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
