Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
